1001 Pickup Lines: Success Guaranteed
by elsayoustinker
Summary: Anna finds a book about pickup lines and her best friend manages to convince her to use it on the Queen of Arendelle. Hilarity and toe-curling fluff ensue. Elsanna, bff!Kristanna.


"Anna!" Kristoff brightened as he spotted the princess heading towards him with her nose stuck in a book. "…Anna?"

He frowned as she walked right into him, without taking her eyes off the paperback gripped securely in her right hand. Slowly, she raised the hand that wasn't otherwise occupied and patted his chest.

"Sorry, wall," she said absentmindedly, and attempted to walk around him.

He snickered, and waited for her to pass him before whisking the volume from her hands. "Hey!" she protested, then jerked back in surprise. "Kristoff? How long have you been standing there?"

"'1001 Pickup Lines'?" Kristoff squinted at the bold lettering, his nose wrinkled. "What're you doing with _this_?"

"Give that back!" She jumped, flailing her hands uselessly, trying to reach for the book and scowling when Kristoff held it out of her reach. "I just thought it looked interesting, okay?"

"But - hey," Kristoff blinked as a thought occurred to him, "maybe you could use it on, you know…" He bent to whisper in Anna's ear, and her blush intensified.

"Shh!" she hissed, pummelling his shoulder with tiny fists. "Nobody's supposed to know that!"

"We're alone," he pointed out drily.

"The walls have ears," she intoned.

"…Right. Look, give it a try -" he chuckled "- but use appropriate ones, okay? You don't want to indirectly cause a freak snowstorm in the middle of summer."

"Appropriate ones, sure!" she chirped. "I can do that!"

"I have a really good one, but you're not a man."

"What kind of rubbish pickup line works only for men?" she scoffed.

"You know how I told you all men pick their noses?"

"Yeah, so what?"

"Try 'If you were a booger, I'd pick you first'." He grinned.

"That's disgusting, and my sister is not a booger!"

"I'm just saying." Kristoff shrugged. "It was a good one."

* * *

"Anna? Oh, morning." Elsa yawned, entering the dining hall and running her pale fingers through her messy blonde braid. Anna watched, waiting eagerly. "What's for breakfast?"

"What's on the menu, you mean?"

A frown. "Well, yes, what are we having today?"

"Me-n-u, that's what's on the menu," Anna announced brightly.

Elsa stared at her sister for a full minute. "I'm sorry?"

"O-oh look, sausages and eggs, my favourite!" She made a grab for her fork hastily while her sister continued to stare quizzically. It evaded her reach, clattering to the floor and giving her an excuse to dive under the table to look for it.

* * *

Elsa woke the next day to unwelcome sunlight streaming through her window and all but scorching half of her face. She cracked one eye open, glared, frosted her window over with an irate wave of her hand, and went back to sleep.

"Elsa?"

Her eyes shot open. "Anna? What are you doing here?"

"Did it hurt?" Anna peered at her sister with big, round eyes.

"If you're referring to the way your elbow is digging into my ribcage -"

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

The frost plastered to her window thickened exponentially, both girls cringing as the glass pane splintered noisily.

* * *

"Elsa?"

"No," the queen said firmly.

"No?" Anna looked confused.

"No, I'm not going to let you try another line on me. Where are you getting all these from, anyway?"

"What?" She deflated visibly. "But Elsaaaa…"

Elsa glanced up from signing royal-and-tremendously-important decree number twenty-three, and immediately regretted it. Anna was staring at her with watery, beseeching puppy eyes, hands clasped together. _That look should be illegal,_ she thought furiously.

"Fine."

"_Really?_ I have a good one!"

"Be still, my heart," she said dryly.

"Do you have a mirror on you?"

"No," Elsa responded warily, "why?"

"I can see myself in your dress - ow!" Anna yelped as a snowball smacked her square in the face.

* * *

"I think I have pneumonia," murmured Anna, hugging herself and pretending to shiver.

"_What?_" Elsa was by her side in a flash, touching her forehead and fretting over her. "You feel fine to me…"

"…because you're giving me chills," finished Anna blithely, giving Elsa her best mock-salacious wink. "Get it? I get chills, you know, because of your ice powers…you know…get it?"

"That wasn't funny," Elsa snapped, crossing her arms, "I was seriously worried."

Anna stuck out her bottom lip. "You're no fun."

The queen made a waspish non-committal sound, turning back to the novel resting in her lap.

The redhead rested her chin on her sister's shoulder. "I'm bored."

"Is this the start of another one?"

Anna ignored the exasperated jibe, bringing her lips to Elsa's neck, worshipping the smooth column of porcelain flesh with kiss after kiss. She smiled in satisfaction as she felt the skin there tense beneath her lips.

"I'm boooored," she breathed, the warm air puffing against Elsa's neck. She heard the other girl's breath hitch.

"And I'm reading."

Her bottom lip jutting out again in a show of petulance, she switched to the line she knew her sister wouldn't be able to resist. "Do you wanna build a snowman?"

* * *

"Elsa, look!" Anna clambered gleefully onto a particularly large snow mound Elsa had created. "I'm queen of the world!"

"Careful," Elsa cautioned, "you might -"

Just as the word _fall_ was on the tip of her tongue, Anna lost her footing and shrieked as she plummeted to the floor. Elsa could only watch, motionless with horror, as her little sister's knees thudded to the floor, not trusting her powers - herself - to reach out to Anna, for fear of repeating the childhood incident that was so deeply ingrained in her memory. She forced her hands to clench, not caring that her fingernails were biting into her palms.

"_Anna!_"

Elsa dropped to her knees before the fallen girl, gripping her shoulders, her brows slanted with worry.

"I'm okay, I'm okay! Geez, it wasn't even that big of a fall."

"Are you -"

"_Yes,_ I'm sure." Anna brought her hand to cup Elsa's cheek, before gently smoothing out the worried creases on her forehead. "You worry too much. Although…"

"What?" the queen demanded.

"Do you have a bandage? I might've scraped my knee falling for you."


End file.
